The springtime reminds me how much I miss you. It’s not the family holidays, nor the birthdays missed. But the blooming trees, the sweet warm breezes. I feel you in the springtime. My soul aches to be with you once again. My heart shatters. Just as it did two years in the past.
I’ve never been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, to be vulnerable in a public setting, to actually break down and expose just how fragile I am. But that changed 10 May 2009. The day my grandmother left this world to go home, home to our Heavenly Father. Two years ago the 10th fell on a Sunday, Mother’s Day. What a day to say goodbye. I remember tearing up as I sputtered “I love you, Grandma” for the last time over the phone in the quiet car ride to church, picturing her – helpless, in the hospital hundreds of miles away. What a day to say goodbye. I know she is no longer in pain, no longer dependent upon the drugs of man. I know she is praising God in heaven, celebrating the victory over sin & death. But I am a selfish creature. I want her here to see me graduate college, to see me walk down the aisle, and smile as her last grandchild grows up. I want her here to teach me to cook, to bake, to be a loving & caring wife. I always assumed she would be in my life, dreamed she would defy the laws of biology & stay just for me. This world isn’t the same without you, Grandma. What a day to say goodbye.