Let’s get right to the meat of this post, shall we? When plans fall apart in front of me I find myself questioning my self-worth. Like a pesky little beast clawing away at the core of me. Burrowing in, nestling up between my lungs for the best seat in the house.
The creature kills my appetite, destroys any endorphins released to my body, and encourages procrastination like it is the only option I have. I sit here letting this idea eat away at me, letting myself grow more anxious by the minute. All the while I know I have work that needs completing.
But productivity will subdue this beast within me, so it fights furiously to keep me in my current state of being – a state of low self-esteem and bottom-of-the-barrel morale. My mind turns with all the possible reasons for why I’m not good enough, why I’ve been tossed to the side, replaced by someone better.
I seek solace from my surroundings. On any other day the stillness of this empty room would comfort me. But on an evening such as this these dull, lifeless walls painted psychiatric white only reflect my mental state. Deliverance is what I need. But such an escape is not an option.