Day 20: Ridiculous

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Day 20. January 20, 2012

I hate these days when I want nothing to do with the outside world. When I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. And all the while I know how ridiculous it is for me to feel so disgusted. Girls are annoying. Being female is torture 99.99% of the time. Jered and I have a conversation very similar to this every few weeks.

“I don’t want to be a girl anymore. It sucks. Girls are stupid.”

“Yeah…I know…but I like you as a girl. Kind of a big reason why I started dating you. Don’t really want to date a dude.”

“Blaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Fine. You win.”

And then we move on with our day.

I don’t like to lose control of my emotions. So when I start tearing up because I see a cute old couple while taking a walk, I don’t welcome it with open arms. Crying is a waste of energy, right along with jealousy and rage. I don’t need to be perfect, in fact I embrace my imperfections. But come on. I don’t need to deal with this or let my own hang-ups effect my relationships and interactions. I’m a level-headed person, logical while still whimsically charming. Experiencing irrational doubts of something as trivial as my outer appearance is not on my to-do list.

I’ve got better things to do, hormones. Stop messing with me. ‘Kay?

Sigh.

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