Day 111: The Act of Pondering


Day 111. April 20, 2012

A great deal of my days are spent pondering. When I was younger I always viewed pondering to be something old people did with their days – sitting side by side simply lost in their own minds thinking about whatever their string of thoughts led them in that particular moment. I didn’t realize I was already a ponderer simply for pondering how old people spend their time pondering. Ponder is a strange word now that I’ve typed it out so many times, and I bet you think it’s odd sounding now that you’ve read it half a dozen times in three sentences. Funny how that happens with language isn’t it. The more times you repeat a word to yourself the more foreign it sounds…

…I ponder about life a lot. About my future – my foggy, uncertain future…I make a lot of lists while I ponder, tasks I need to do in the coming weekend, homework due dates, recipes to make, projects to work on. I think about my the people in my life – about what they are up to and why it’s been months since we’ve talked…I dwell on my past from time to time…Thinking about how things might have gone differently in circumstance A if I had only changed integer X, Y, and Z. Ugh. Math. Why must I detest you so much? My life in the arts demands you to be a part of my every move, yet all I want is to sever all ties with you…sigh

Even now while I’m writing this I have pondered about so many different things…most of them reoccurring thoughts, as if my mind is a movie playing on an endless loop. And they will keep looping until I check them off my list. Until I accomplish all the goals I set up for myself, a never-ending list. Pondering about the act of pondering…how silly.


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