Day 121: Crowds

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Day 121. April 30, 2012

First and foremost: I love the figure in the background to the right just at the edge of my shot staring at me. I left them in when editing just so that I could point them out. Now on with our regularly scheduled program…

I don’t care for large swarms of people. I get anxious very easily and paranoid that everyone is watching me. Odd that I go to a state university, right? Constantly surrounded by crowds. But the only way to get over a fear – or at least tolerate or lessen a fear – is to constantly expose yourself to it.

I remember when I was in high school and my best friend and I would go to the mall. I was completely terrified of escalators. The thought of standing on one made me nauseous instantly – just thinking about the open space all around me and at any time someone could push me off the side and watch me fall to my death. She put up with it for a while but finally called me out on it. Telling me that I was completely irrational in my fear and that I needed to get over it. At first I was really hurt. And angry with her. She didn’t understand my terror, I couldn’t simply get over it with a snap of my fingers or tap of my ruby slippers.

But slowly I began to take a chance and get on one. For a few years I could only go up them, then I could go down but only if I looked straight ahead stared at my feet. She was right. And she did me a favor in being honest with me, that’s what real friends do.

I still don’t like crowds, but I don’t freak myself out nearly as often anymore.

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